Heritage Safes Grace
Heritage Safes Grace
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Is it unfair to keep part of a child’s heritage from them, even if you think it will keep them safe?
When our daughter is born she will be half Russian and half English. Her dad is English whilst I’m Russian.
Part of me doesn’t want to know Grace to know she’s part Russian. It’s not that I am ashamed of being Russian, I’m ashamed of my family and my past. I’m ashamed of things I had no control over. I barely keep in contact with my family for that reason. My mum took me and three out of my five siblings away when I was about 9 and we live in France until I was 17. I barely have any contact with my dad. I hadn’t seen him since I was 9 and we have very little contact, I only got in contact with him wanting answers to questions I have had for a long time. I don’t want to have to sit down Grace when she’s older and tell her why she can’t see her granddad or why certain things make her mum completely shut everyone out. I just want to save her from the same heart ache I had.
I think it would be unfair as it’s lying to her and she doesn’t deserve that. She deserves to know she is part Russian but I wouldn’t tell her anything horrible or upsetting about your past until she is old enough to understand. For now just stick to telling her that bad things happened. Tell her in a really disconnected childlike way and she is unlikely to question too much until she is ready to hear it.
You say you want to save her from the heart ache but I can tell you that most children feel somewhat detached from their parents past anyway. After all it happened before they even existed. She may feel sad for you but she is unlikely to be really disturbed by it. What will matter to her is what her life is like.